Shyn and Flattus bring back an old favorite… The Choose Your Own Adventure!

Wonder what other shenanigans could have gone on? Check out the full transcript below!

Time has come once again to dawn your Egg Hat and celebrate in Hatching Tide… You make your way to Gridania to take part in the celebrations and maybe even get some of those delicious chocolate spriggans…

You make your way to the front to talk to one of the event hosts which one do you approach?

  • The Yellow Egg hat with sticky hands that talks with strong H words in your personal space
  • The Blue hat who looks like they want to be your best friend forever
  • The Red Hat…you think they won’t last long

“Thank the 12 you’re here… We’ve had an…incident. Someone has stolen all the eggs! Would you help us?”

  • You say yes reluctantly…
  • Only if you get Hella’ chocolate
  • Yes, but you want that Vath good good and chocolate

Once you hatched out your terms they introduce you to your sidekick…this wasn’t part of the deal, but you’ll probably need to make it happen to get what you want. How bad could it be? Right…

  • Spriggan named Scuds McKenzie
  • A perpetually sad Cactuar named Pey Otay
  • A Cute hole snake you could swear you met someplace once before…

Sidekick in tow you make your way to the glitter spot in Gridania. You often wonder why when shit goes down why does a spot glitter as if to say here’s a mystery…maybe it’s glitter. Like some sort of Uldahn Glitter scheme… You invest in glitter.

You refocus on the Glitter spot do you…

  • Touch it, but have stinky palm
  • Throw your sidekick into it
  • Stoic nod it into submission….Stoic Daddy

It’s like a wave knowledge passes through… your brain explodes with useless knowledge of Hatching Tide… You have a very uncomfortable knowledge of painted eggs. But you use this to your advantage! Do you:

  • Paint coconuts to look like eggs
  • Paint los huevos de la futa
  • Paint your face to look like an egg

Trap set time to catch your ovum offender. You set up near another glitter spot. You’ve already spent 37.4 Million Gil on Glitter stocks. You’re not playing around on that Glitter. Glitter is the new Iron Ingot. Time to go… you wait for the culprit. After what seems like 9.5 hours and having to realllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly pee. You see movement. You jump out to find:

  • The Yellow Hat
  • A Lala named Skeef LaBeef
  • The Red Hat….Still here I see

You’ve caught the thief red-handed! When confronted with your accusation, they explain that they were only stealing the eggs because:

  • They’re a Flat Hydaelyn Ovipositor
  • They like gettin’ weird with Ovum
  • They’re making a wall out of eggs (and the paissa’s are paying for it)

You pick up the culprit by the nape of their neck and take them back to you Blue Hatted friend. You’ve caught the thief, and turn them over.

But wait! Your friend needs a friend. Before he gets sent off to jail…

  • Save him! Friendship is Magic!
  • Get in the cell!
  • Punt the lala!

But too bad! You say, “Get into the cell”, and Skeef is carted off to jail.

As he goes off into the distance, you say “Wait! But I have all this chocolate to myself. Except I have my friend the hole snake, in my front pocket.” You sit and enjoy the chocolate with your friend, the hole snake, basking in the glowing afternoon sun.